There was something wrong with him. There had always been something wrong with him, even if the others didn’t see it.

Surely, Father knew. Knew everything that had been, everything that currently was, everything that ever would be.

So why didn’t He say something? Why didn’t He take the Wrong away, make him Right?

Lucifer had spent so long trying to understand why Father wouldn’t change him, why he was made wrong in the first place. Because surely, Father didn’t make mistakes. And if He had made a mistake (a thought that terrified him), why hadn’t he fixed it? Making him undone would be a simple matter to Father, and if something was wrong, why would it get to have the privilege of existing in God’s perfect world?

The thoughts were loud in his head, filling his mind at a moment’s notice. No matter how much he might be enjoying himself, they would come to him, unbidden. He could be playing with Sera, he could be watching Father’s new creations, and suddenly his heart was filled with thoughts of darkness. Thoughts of disobedience.

He had always been wrong. His ideals were different to the other angels, but he had never been able to put a word to it.

Not until Father created the Humans.

 

They were beautiful.

He’s only watched them from afar at first, not supposed to interact with them. But he’d been unable to help himself as he drifted closer, watching them from an unsafe distance.

He had been spotted where he was hiding in the high trees, and in his surprise he had tumbled from his perch, right into the human woman’s arms. She’d held him up, his body weightless to her, with his hollow bones and her strong muscles. His face had flushed a bright golden as the warmth of her hands seeped through his clothes, which drew her attention and she had called her mate over.

They had both inspected him, curious about his wings and his clothes, only having seen wings on birds before, and never having seen clothing at all.

That was how he met Lilith and Adam.

If he had known what their meeting would lead to, maybe he would have stayed up in the clouds, where he belonged.

 

He hadn’t planned on falling in love with them.

It was a betrayal of trust toward both Father, Adam and Lilith alike. Adam and Lilith were predestined to be together, to create humanity. Yet here he was, madly in love with both of them.

 

He sat between Lilith and Adam as they slept on either side of him, the twinkling stars lighting up the sky above them.

Adam’s soft snoring made him smile, and he couldn’t help but marvel at the sight of both of them curled up and turned toward him, as if letting him be a part of their bond, even though they shouldn’t.

 

He felt his heart clench. He felt like his body represented a rift between them, destined to tear them apart. It wasn’t there yet, but filled with immeasurable dread, he knew it would come. Angels weren’t supposed to fall in love, much less with humans.

His head became murky with heavy thoughts.

 

He had managed to pinpoint one of the things that set him apart from his siblings recently.

 

While getting to know Lilith and Adam, he’d started thinking about the concept of free will.

He had it. All the other angels also had it. But the humans? They didn’t. Father had a plan for them, one that they were under no circumstances supposed to divert from. A plan that they were created specifically to fulfil.

But what about what they wanted? How could they know what they actually wanted if they didn’t even know that there was more than this? What would they do if they knew that the whole world was theirs to do with as they pleased, with limitless options to choose from?

Then maybe…

He was a selfish being.

Supposed to be a being filled to the brim with light, yet he could feel the darkness fester in the cracks of his psyche.

Like the cracks forming on his skin, right above his heart, still so pale they were hardly noticeable. But he had noticed. Had seen the physical manifestation of his mistakes.

But then, even though he knew that it was a mistake, why didn’t it feel like one?

Love was such a large part of him, falling in love had been so easy. Angels were meant to love every single one of God’s creations, but they were not meant to fall in love with them. It was a fact no one had spoken out loud, but everybody knew nonetheless.

He felt horrible for breaking the rules. But then why did he not regret falling for them? He was sure it would lead to their destruction, which he mourned, even before it happened.

He was a terrible monster, a being of light that only sought to destroy.

A freak of nature.

But he loved them so much. So dearly, it would have killed him to leave them had he been capable of death.

 

For now, the world had not a single worry.

Soon, he would turn it all into ashes.

Unless he pulled away, let Lilith and Adam forget about him and live their lives in unaware bliss.

 

But he was a selfish, selfish being.

And he knew that he wouldn’t.

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